| Okay! Back in the game now. I'm sure you're all interested in what we did this weekend (if you're not, too fucking bad, you've already started reading), so I'll break it down for ya'. We got to Playdium at about 8pm on Friday. Just in time for their Midnight Madness (4 hours unlimited play) special. Word. First, though, we swung by a little game import store in the mall. I snagged a copy of Capcom Vs. SNK 2, proceeded to cheer vigourously, then headed into Playdium. Damn was it packed. I'd been there before, but it was always during school hours. This meant two things. One, there'd be plenty of people to play against in King of Fighters, but it also meant long lines for Dance Dance Revolution. Ah yes, Dance Dance Revolution, my one other true love (Dreamcast being the first). The Burnaby Playdium actually has two DDR games. DDR 4th Mix, on the main floor and with a BIGASS screen, and DDR USA, smaller and upstairs near the fighting games. Now you see as much as I love the thing, I'm not that good at the game. After all, I'm as white as they come, and everyone knows us honkies ain't got the rhythm. The big DDR on the main floor is for the great players who get 100-step combos and shit. Corran and I mainly played upstairs on the smaller machine, and I'm actually not as bad as I thought. And since James spent most of his time on the KOF '99 Machine right beside us, we even got HIM to dance. Word. That's a pretty big accomplishment, you know? Anyway, I mentioned the import store in the mall, and guess what they have there? Full-size DDR dance pads for the Dreamcast version of Dance Dance Revolution. Come on people, how can I NOT get them? I'll be able to Dance Dance Revolutionize the night away in my very own home! And speaking of imports, I wanna talk a bit about Capcom Vs. SNK 2. When the first CvsSNK came out, James and I were into it hardcore for about a month. Then we switched over to King of Fighters Evolution. Still, CvsSNK was a good game. Well, the sequal surpasses it in every way. More characters, more grooves, better gameplay (6 buttons! Nani?!) and it has Athena (my other other one true love)! Okay, so she's not that great in CvsSNK2, but she's still there. Anyway, it's certainly a shame Capcom isn't bringing it to the Dreamcast over here, because it's a great game and I'd like to know what the fuck everyone is talking about before the final boss fight. Oh well, we're getting Mark of Wolves, and Rock 0wnz0rz, so there's no use complaining since I got the game anyway! And now comes the sagely advice of today's rant. If you've read through all that, you've earned this. If you just skipped to the bottom, fuck you. Anyway, how many of you have seen the episode of Seinfeld with the bet? You know, master of your domain? Who can go the longest without...self-grattification. Well, Kramer was out first, then Elaine, then George, then Jerry (except George lied about it to win). Well, I need to warn you all to never, ever, under any circumstances, EVER take on a bet like that. Lord knows I regret it. It happened like this; Some friends of mine and I are sitting around our table in our photography class. We tend to gravitate towards the subject of masturbation fairly often, most likely because none of us can actually get any women. Anyway, a friend of mine bets me $10 he could go longer without the stroke than I could. No big deal. We agree to the bet, starting Monday, so we have the weekend to, uh, prepare. So Monday comes, the bet starts. Feeling a little confident, my friend wants to raise the stakes to $20. Again, not a big deal. I've gone weeks before, and $20 is not a big loss. Oh boy. So the next day, we're taunting each other about the bet, and at one point, my friend says: "Fifty." "Fifty?" "Fifty!" "I don't know, that's a lot of money to lose on a stupid bet." (my wuss chromosome kicking in there). Well never being the type to miss out on an oppourtunity to fuck me over, my other two friends starts chanting "Fifty! Fifty!" and banging the table. They say you shouldn't give into peer pressure, but damnit, pressure is what turns coal into diamonds, right? Wrong. I said "okay, fifty." and it is quite possibly the stupidest thing I have ever done. A week has past, and it has been hell on earth. I didn't realize it at the time I was making the bet, but all those times I had gone without was because I couldn't. I was always busy, or tired, or in public. Never had I just not tried to do it. Oh lord, Even if you get the money, you still suffer through the weeks (and I'm beginning to fear months). These kinds of things are a lose-lose situation. Just like the Special Olympics; You can win, but you're still retarded. So, that is why I urge you not to be as stupid as I am. "But Mat," you may say, "I get regular sex, and do not need to 'walk the dog', couldn't I easily with this bet?". Well firstly: Fuck you. If your sex is so regular, why are you reading this instead of ploughing a field, eh buddy?! And secondly; while it is possible, remember that all it takes is your girl to go out of town for a few days to make one lose control of his digits. Think about it. Kids, don't be dumb: Masturbate.  |
